


The Formula to Finding Yourself

by benschwartz



Category: Community (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bi Jeff, Coming Out, Coming of Age, Confessions, M/M, Troy's POV, Tutoring, a little bit of internalized transphobia, abed tutors troy, ace lesbian annie, adhd troy, bi britta, i think i'm projecting a lot don't say anything, math struggles, no beta we die like men, sort of angsty, trans troy, will add tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 05:47:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28951422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/benschwartz/pseuds/benschwartz
Summary: Troy is struggling with math. Abed tutors him in math, if math were his attraction to men, his fear of failure, and his confidence in his manhood. Maybe he helps him get an A- on his final along the way too.B plot: Britta has a girlfriend, Jeff isn't jealous, and he certainly isn't projecting his internalized biphobia onto Britta.
Relationships: Britta Perry/Jeff Winger, Britta Perry/Original Female Character, Troy Barnes/Abed Nadir
Comments: 6
Kudos: 42





	The Formula to Finding Yourself

**Author's Note:**

> jeff is kinda biphobic but he's just projecting onto britta. don't worry, he'll figure it out :^)

Troy was getting frustrated. No matter how much he tried to listen, he always found himself drifting off to some better place in his mind, and thus could never retain any of the information presented to him. It seemed as though he could glance at the window, and when he looked back, the board would be full of equations and numbers he could barely follow. There had been a few instances of math induced meltdowns after class, or ones suppressed in front of his classmates while he tried to catch up with them.

The study group was meant for Spanish, so he never brought up his math troubles. Besides, he didn’t want to admit that he was struggling, even if he knew it would be better to ask for help in the long run. Embarrassment was never a stranger, though, and shame took the forefront of Troy’s mind more often than not. Shame was perhaps his closest and worst friend. Except maybe Luke from high school, but that was another story entirely. Friends were supposed to be supportive, weren’t they? Troy couldn’t help but feel as though his shitty friends were through a fault of his own, if not all his faults.

A frustrated growl ripped itself from Troy’s throat as he watched the professor scrawl absolute nonsense across the board. This was an entry level math class, he wasn’t supposed to struggle. This was supposed to be an easy A, and he had heard that from Jeff Winger, king of blowing off responsibility. Surely Jeff hadn’t lied, though Troy wouldn’t put it past him, he was probably just really good at math. Everyone looked at him after his outburst, and he could feel the blood bubbling beneath his skin. Troy withdrew and sunk into himself, embarrassed and resigned to learning nothing this period. 

When the bell rang, Troy dawdled picking up his things as he tried to mentally prepare himself for the study group. Talking was much less appealing to the hyper 19 year old than usual, and he was sure they would notice if he stayed silent the whole time. Now was one of the times Troy was thankful for his ability to fake a smile and a happy attitude. Once the only other student in the room left, Troy took his cue to leave, but as he reached the door, the professor stopped him.

“Troy,” he called from where he was erasing the board. “Have you thought about getting a tutor? I’ve noticed you’re struggling to keep up in class.” Even though the observation was true, it made Troy angry to be confronted about it.

“I don’t need a tutor,” he huffed. “I’m just going through something.” Honestly, Troy was going through something, but he wasn’t sure what that something was. It could be seen in the way he behaved now, with less inhibition but a quality of hesitation that made him feel like a fawn walking on new legs. Perhaps this was the infamous coming of age that came with community college and endocrinologist appointments. Perhaps it was the aftermath of fearing failure so much that he forced it upon himself, dooming himself to a life of mundanity and frustration.

“Well, if you ever want any extra help, which is no reason to be ashamed, by the way,” he offered a kind smile. “I can recommend you to some excellent tutors in your year who are taking higher level courses.” That sounded like humiliation to Troy. 

“Sure.” Troy shrugged one strap of his bag over his shoulder and waved half heartedly, leaving the dusty classroom and entering the East Wing of Greendale, which strangely always smelled of lamination and computer duster. Troy scrunched his nose at the smell and continued to walk to the study room, where Annie, Shirley, Pierce, and Abed already sat.

“Hi, Troy!” Annie chirped the moment he walked in. A smile was attempted, but ultimately fell flat as he passed behind Abed and took his own seat. Annie looked as if she were going to say something before Jeff and Britta walked in arguing like the married couples they hated so much.

“Five bucks says Jeff is going to pit us all against Britta within the next five minutes,” Abed leant over and whispered to Troy, who immediately perked up and agreed to the deal. Abed always knew how to take his mind off things, most of the time without even meaning to.

“You just can’t handle the idea of me dating a woman because it hurts your masculinity to know that I would choose her over you,” Britta pointed at Jeff, who predictably rolled his eyes, and began some cool retort.

“I think I’m gonna win this one,” Troy whispered back to Abed, his eyes never leaving the pair fighting. “Jeff is definitely upset because Britta has a girlfriend.” Abed shrugged and Troy realized he knew he was going to lose when he proposed the bet.

“I think it’s great that you have a girlfriend, Britta,” Pierce had a smile on his face that made Britta frown. “I knew you were a lesbian, but no one listened to me. I mean, you barely look at me.”

“I’m not a lesbian, Pierce!” She threw a paper ball at him. “Just admit that you’re hurt by it and we can move on, Jeff.”

“I’m not hurt by it,” Jeff said in a hurt tone. “I just don’t understand why you would act interested in me while you were talking to her as if  _ we  _ were going to get together. Pick a side.”

“I wanted options! It’s not my fault that you can’t communicate healthily and are incapable of love. Diane understands me,  _ and  _ she makes eye contact during sex.” Britta crossed her arms smugly and sat back. For the first time in a long time, Jeff was speechless. The tension in the air was thick and uncomfortable. This was a loaded fight.

“I’m not incapable of love,” Jeff scoffed after a moment. “Communicating healthily is a lie--”

“That you tell yourself so you don’t have to do it.” Jeff looked stunned again, but Britta continued. “Yeah, that’s right, bitch. I thought the same thing too, but it turns out you have to put the effort in. Diane taught me that,” she said, looking at the table with a loving smile. Shirley and Annie squealed. 

When Britta started dating a girl, Jeff wouldn’t shut up about it, and it became the topic of all their study sessions. They could all tell that Jeff was jealous and his masculinity lay wounded in his silk bed sheets every morning, but none of them thought it would extend beyond hurt feelings. Shirley accepted it quite quickly once she heard about Diane’s baking hobbies, which Jeff criticized relentlessly, and Annie had squealed and asked Britta for every gorey detail about their relationship. Pierce made some gross comments that were ultimately ignored, and Troy and Abed had exchanged a glance that made each other blush, for some reason. Now, a month into their relationship, Jeff was standing up and storming out of the study room. 

“Should we… go after him?” Annie asked, watching after Jeff’s stomping feet.

“He needs to get over it,” Britta rolled her eyes. “He’s being homophobic, if you ask me.”

Troy felt Abed hand him a five under the desk, and when he took it, their fingers locked together and rested on Troy’s knee. Even though Jeff had just stormed out and left a cold air in the room, Troy’s face was on fire, and he hoped that everyone was too wrapped up in conversation to notice. Abed gave him a small smile before turning to engage in conversation, and Troy’s eyes went wide, staring down at the table. None of Troy’s friends had ever held his hand before, especially not if they were boys. 

All of his math problems were forgotten in favor of the events unfolding before him, and he was grateful for this moment of forgetfulness. By tomorrow, he would be floundering in formulas and equations that couldn’t possibly make less sense, and he could worry about his ability to graduate then. Now he would hold Abed’s hand under the table, barely listening to the conversation they were all having, and thinking about the implications of the soft pad of a thumb rubbing against the back of his hand making his chest tighter than it already was.

**Author's Note:**

> i hope u enjoyed!! idk when i'll update this but lmk what you thought in the comments & leave kudos if you enjoyed!


End file.
